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[29 Mar 2007|10:43am] |
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| In yo FACE.~ |
[26 Mar 2007|02:39pm] |
So I had my neopets account stolen, right? My main one that was pretty and rich and everything. but I got it back. All my shit had been taken, my neopoints gone, but what really ground my gears is that my neopets had been abandoned. Well, I managed to get two of them back, one is on reserve for me ((buying it back from the new owner)) but my favourite, prettiest one, my white Wocky, had been adopted by a 13 year old and they can't get or reply to neomails, so wockiness was lost forevar. Yesterday I made a new Wocky and followed the name scheme all of my lab pets had had and I zapped her with the lab ray today and
The FIRST COLOUR she turns with the Lab Ray...
IS WHITE.
Yeah yeah, fake riches, Sparky, all of that. But anything you put time and effort into, once it's lost, you get a little bent out of shape about it. And you tend to be happy when you get it back. Even such trivial things. Exception, of course, is if you lose it of your own accord.
'Ta.
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[19 Mar 2007|03:21pm] |
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Looks like I win this time, Sparky.
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| Here's the deal. |
[21 Feb 2007|02:24pm] |
A good friend to me once disappeared for a really long time. Upon returning she told me that she had changed, and I took it upon myself just to find out how. Radically, and, in her opinion, for the better.
I realized all too quickly that these changes she forced excluded someone in her life. That someone was me. We shared no common ground anymore, and though she claimed to still be a friend to me I felt the bond we shared weaken. She didn't seem to care.
She isn't as exciting anymore, rather boring and having little sense of humor for things, that, are actually even a slight bit amusing. She's repulsively analytical, picking apart even the slightest snicker and dissecting it into something that no longer resembles a statement; more of a sorry excuse for a pile of what was thought to be decent comedic vocational skills. Her views on things are skewed and often wrong, but no one dares correct her. I'm not certain as to why, but her errors are obvious to even the most simple-minded.
It has come to my attention that I myself have made a change for the better. And as luck would have it it involved wiping clean the entirety of most of the people I knew. I felt distressed. I was uncomfortable, even unhappy at some times. I was changed from the go-to girl to the punching pillow. No one shared with me the highlights of their day anymore. The only conversation that was offered was when someone wanted something from me, or they had something crummy happen to them, and they wanted to bitch about it with blatant disregard on how I had been feeling. I accepted it quietly though; the thought of someone disliking me because I refused to listen to their problems did not sit well with me at all. I never complained. To anyone. To this moment I haven't. But.. I never knew anything about anyone. It went from 'I'll be here at _.__ sharp, I have a ____ to go to and it's going to last about an hour or so.' or 'I work, so I might be a little late tonight.' to 'I'll be around sometime.'
So with the persuasion of a few people that still felt to treat me to the sunshine in their lives, I decided that perhaps it was best to rid myself of the stress and anxiety I was forcing myself to put up with. Whether or not it was the best idea, I really can't say yet. But I can say that I do have a little less to worry about. Maybe I was just taking on more than I could handle. My eyes for assistance were bigger than my conscience could bear. It's everyone's fault, it's no one's fault. We can point fingers and seek revenge in the most childish of ways all we want, but.. what is boils down to is acceptance. Respect. Acceptance of the changes people make for themselves. Respect for the people deciding things on their own and getting themselves out of situations they can't handle anymore. Were you hurt so terribly that you resort to actually punishing the other person? Beauty is only skin deep. Time waits for no one. But revenge is bitter and selfish, and is never forgotten. This is why I never bothered my friend after I learned about her changes. I accepted them, even if it meant I was going to be hurt by it.
The only stupid feeling is the one you don't act upon.
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| How it is. |
[15 Jan 2007|12:17pm] |
It's not about going to school. It's not about getting a great job, or even about getting lots of money. It's not about how big your house is, how many cars you have, or how close to the water's edge you reside. Don't let them tell you that because you never went to college or don't plan on it that you're a failure. That's not what it's about. Life is about the persuit of happiness. The poorest man in the world can still alight a smile without a penny to his name. As long as he is happy, he is the wealthiest man in the world. A man with more money than he knows what to do with may seem happy, but in all honesty, what has he got? His friends, more than likely, only like him for the number on his head. He lives in a glass house, throwing stones left and right to criticise what he has that other's don't when he isn't even sure of what he has at all. Life is not about how much you're worth. The smaller the number does not mean you should be any more or less ashamed of yourself. Health, and happiness, are the only things you need. Money is just something a little extra. But money does not buy happiness. Money creates stress and unecessary strife. Money creates bills, money creates a falsehood. Money creates greed, theivery, dishonesty, and friends that you aren't sure if they're really there for you or not, or if they're just there for your green. As necessary as it may seem, money really isn't all it's cracked up to be. Happiness, however, is everything you think it is and more.
Also, whoever took my Neopets account, you should be really fucking ashamed of yourself. Stealing real money is one thing, but stealing fake money from someone you don't even really know is basically as low as you can get. Lighten up. It's the fucking internet.
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| tl;dr |
[01 Jan 2007|02:01pm] |
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Fool of the Fairy Tale |
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Fucking fail. Why is it that everyone nowadays has to fight and argue about everything that there is in existence? Why is it that people can't just ask something of someone else ((even if it is a little demanding, but under frustration and pressure that's completely understandable)) and just have them DO IT out of the fucking goodness of their heart. -- Oh wait, I forgot, people suck. That's right, there is no goodness anymore, only greed and selfishness and pride. God-fucking-dammit people. It's not even me, lol. My mom's been trying to hook up my stupid little brother's internet ((that he totally doesn't even need, he's fucking 11)) and has been having bad luck with it all morning. I didn't hear what went on, only the tail end of the argument ((I was trying to fall back asleep)) but I gathered that she asked my dad to call his computer friend that had been helping us in a way that sounded like a sort-of demand. He knew she'd been having trouble with it and I guess he didn't call and they both got pissy about it. I mean what the fuck. How hard is it to pick up the phone and dial a fucking number? For Christ sake's people. I don't care how much pride you have, if your wife asks you to do something and you know she's at the end of her rope you don't fucking argue. Especially if she's got the pants in the family, and you're constantly cowering under her shadow in your skivvies.
dfkhjllj. Words go here. Shit, fan, etc. In everything. Imma just got live in the woods for a while. -- Oh wait, I was already up there all last week. ...I should go back. There's snow and a creek and a farmhouse and warm fireplaces and no technology except for an archaic TV. And there's birds. And my uncle's sauna. I just don't like what's going on. I'm dissatisfied, and there's decisions I've gotta make. Spirits will be crushed, promises will be altered. Contempt might replace trust, or at least live in the same house with it. Not everyone will leave happy. But they'll leave alive. And they'll recover. But all I really want, in the end, is to be able to sit down and just say, 'damn, that was a great time. Hand me my wineglass.' and then we will toast. and it will be grand.
It's two in the afternoon. And I want to go back to bed.
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| Walkaways |
[01 Jan 2007|05:28am] |
'I gotta rush away...' she said,
'I been to boston before.
And anyways... this change I been feeling
Doesnt make the rain fall.'
No big differences these days
Just the same old walkaways.
And someday...
Im gonna stay.
But not today...
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| Have you seen me, lately? |
[01 Jan 2007|04:06am] |
Get away from me
Get away from me, this isn't gonna be easy
But I dont need you
Believe me
You got a piece of me
But its just a little piece of me
And I dont need anyone
And these days I feel like Im fading away
Like sometimes when I hear myself on the radio
Have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in america, its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I remember me
And all the little things that make up a memory
Like she said she loved to watch me sleep
Like she said:
Its the breathing, its the breathing in and out and in and...
Have you seen me lately?
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in america its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
I guess I thought that someone would notice
I guess I thought somebody would say something
If I was missing
Cant you see me?
Come on color me in
Come on color me in
Give me your blue rain
Give me your black sky
Give me your green eyes
Come on give me your white skin
Come on give me your white skin
Come on give me your white skin
I was out on the radio starting to change
Somewhere out in america, its raining
Could you tell me one thing you remember about me
And have you seen me lately?
Have you seen me lately
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[30 Dec 2006|05:26am] |
Mmn... I dont have to go to parties to be ignored.
Thanks. I'm glad to be back too. (:
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| 'Merry Christmas, you fucking bitch.' |
[25 Dec 2006|02:00am] |
Your mom ever say that to you? Call you selfish for taking a phonecall from a friend a million fuckng miles away on Christmas Eve? Blame you for not waking up at a reasonable time, when she's the person who DOESN'T wake you up until three?
I was in no way at all disturbing her, except for talking loudly. She could have come down and told me to be quiet, but no, she comes to bitch her head off at me. Says she'll turn off my internet, isn't giving me presents, etc. I'm a selfish bitch that only thinks about herself, and I don't care about anyone else because I'm so great.
'Everyone suffers because of your bad sleeping habits D:<'
The only reason you suffer is because I'm not awake to do your fucking chores for you, you fucking bitch. Make DYLAN, the ELEVEN YEAR OLD, FAT, SMUSHY LAYABOUT DO SOME CHORES.
'You know what, you just need to move out.'
Well won't she be pleased when I tell her I'm working on it.
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| 'Whatever helps you sleep at night.' |
[21 Dec 2006|06:05pm] |
lurk moar: today at work
lurk moar: I was thinking about hot catboy sex
lurk moar: and how it'd suck if some guy came in to rob the place and shot me and I died
lurk moar: and then I thought
colachu aim: hahaha
lurk moar: what they'd say at the funeral
lurk moar: 'her last thoughts were of her friends and family'
lurk moar: and I'm there all ghosty-like
lurk moar: 'Actually, my last thoughts were of gay catboy sex. But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.'
lurk moar: XD
colachu aim: <333 gawd if you like
colachu aim: didn't come online for three days
colachu aim: I'd be like FUCK she's dead and then I'd hunt you down
colachu aim: and then kill your kinsfolk until I was the closest one to you so I could deliver your eulogy
colachu aim: OR
colachu aim: I guess
colachu aim: after awhile
colachu aim: people would get the hint
colachu aim: and be scared
colachu aim: that I was going to kill them
colachu aim: and then just be like
colachu aim: "ok chloe...... read the eulogy"
colachu aim: and then there'd be snipers :3
colachu aim: and I'd get taken down like a soldier.
colachu aim: BEEEEEEOW
lurk moar: XD
colachu aim: and then I'd finger your ghost :3
lurk moar: Promise? :D
colachu aim: promise :3
lurk moar: Yaaay XD
lurk moar: *bats eyelashes.* Read me my eulogy nooooow.
colachu aim: a-hem
colachu aim: Ode to Ynon
colachu aim: P: ..... ok. *breathe*
colachu aim: rectums are red
colachu aim: big eyes are blue
colachu aim: a mouthful of fingers is fucking hot (you guys don't even know, seriously)
colachu aim: 'specially with Yuu
colachu aim: :3
lurk moar: :D!
lurk moar: IT'S BEAUTIFUL
lurk moar: *sobs.*
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| Salaam. |
[11 Dec 2006|02:58pm] |
Ender was so angry at the unfairness of the transfer that tears were coming to his eyes. Mustn't cry, he told himself.
Alai saw the tears but had the grace not to say so.
"They're fartheads, Ender, they won't even let you take anything you own."
Ender grinned and didn't cry after all. "Think I should strip and go naked?"
Alai laughed too.
On impulse Ender hugged him, tight, almost as if he were Valentine. He even thought of Valentine then and wanted to go home. "I don't want to go," he said.
Alai hugged him back. "I understand them, Ender. You are the best of us. Maybe they in a hurry to teach you everything."
"They don't want to teach me everything," Ender said. "I wanted to learn what it was like to have a friend."
Alai nodded soberly. "Always my friend, always the best of my friends," he said. Then he grinned. "Go slice up some buggers."
"Yeah." Ender smiled back.
Alai suddenly kissed Ender on the cheek and whispered in his ear, "Salaam." Then, red-faced, he turned away and walked to his own bed at the end of the barracks. Ender guessed that the kiss and the word were somehow forbidden. A suppressed religion, perhaps. Or maybe the word had some private and powerful meaning for Alai alone. Whatever it meant to Alai, Ender knew that it was sacred; that he had uncovered himself for Ender, as once Ender's mother had done, when he was very young, before they put the monitor on his neck, and she had put her hands on his head when she thought he was asleep, and prayed over him. Ender had never spoken of that to anyone, not even to Mother, but had kept it as a memory of holiness, of how his mother had loved him when she thought that no one, not even he, could see or hear. That was what Alai had given him; a gift so sacred that even Ender could not be allowed to understand what it meant.
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| o.o xmassy lj, lawl |
[10 Dec 2006|03:01pm] |
I think it's prettier than normal, rofl.
Anyways.
I'm still sick, had this stupid cold for almost two weeks now... it's fading but sometimes it strikes back with like CHYAAAAAAAAAAH and I'm like ._.;
But the cold is the least of my worries. >_< I've been having problems with my wisdom teeth and they're not only making it very hard for me to eat, but they're also giving me a constant headache and making it near impossible for me to close my mouth properly. And also I talk a little strange becuase I don't want to hurt myself. >_>
Other than that I'm okay, I has some pains in the back of my neck when I woke up but they faded pretty quick.
So that game I bought for my dad for xmas 4 months ago I might have to return cos our upstairs computer is a weak pos and my mom's a cheapskate... which really upsets me because I've never gotten something so cool for my dad before, and never something so expensive. =_= MONEY I DIDNT HAVE PEOPLE, LOL.
Good stuff? ....uhh.... I'm tearing through Ender's Game for the fifth time again? I'm getting Zelda in 3 days? I have a hat? I dunno, lol.
Lol wtf I just said the word 'splodey' out loud to myself and laughed like a retard. XD
......yyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaah.
STRONGBAD NEEDS TO GO GET AN ICE-CREAM SANDWICH.
And now, the get-up noise.
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[05 Dec 2006|04:20am] |
And suddenly
I feel better.
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| GAME OVER |
[01 Dec 2006|12:45am] |
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music |
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Cascada -- Reason |
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This is a rope. A mandy is at the end of it. I'm just not good with // at anything anymore. I can't draw, I can't make conversation. The only thing I'm good at is doing my job, which I don't even tend to more than one day a fucking week. People hate me, people think I'm god and know the answer to everything. Then when I tell them turning gay ISN'T going to solve relationship problems, they hop down my throat and accuse me of not knowing anything and then they continue to whine. I'm useless, I guess, lol. I've been so down on myself lately I'm actually getting physically ill; I spent the entire day in bed//laying down because I had what appeared to be a chest cold, and I just felt like 110 pounds of dead weight. I couldn't even get off my lazy ass to do my chores, and my MOM did them all. She goes to school 5 days a week and work the other two. And what do I do? Lay around sick while she does everything. I just don't like where this is going. Anything. Nothing's working. My grandma wants me to join the coast guard. I kept telling her no, no, I'd be leaving too much behind. But that option is looking better and better everyday. I'd just never make it through boot camp. I mean srsly. I'm the fucking worst under pressure. Even if my parents even hint that I'm going to get a serious yelling at, I start to cry. The fucking library needs to call me back already. My parents are making me get a second job but they're not going to drive me to it, so it needs to be somewhere in town. Which is fucktarded, because there's NOTHING in Muskego aside gas stations, restaurants, and Pick N Save. I refuse to work at any of those. 1. Gas station people get no respect. 2. Restaurants are filthy places, and I hear enough horror stories from Robin to know better than to work at one. 3. There is no fucking way I'm working at a grocery store. EVERYONE I FUCKING KNOW works at Pick N'Save and they all hate each other now. I rather like what few friends I still have. So excluding those things I only have a few options left. Library would be fucking amazing. I love them, it's basically the same job as GameStop and it pays 8.24 an hour starting pay. What else is there in Muskego. I'm probably going to see if any of the banks are hiring now. Or Blockbuster. A bit far to go on a bike but its not like I could get there any other way.
Yeah.. I'm just whining. But isn't that really what anyone does these days?
Edit: Just to clarify. When I'm not conversational or talkative, I'm NOT doing anything fun or exciting, and I'm not ignoring you. I'm more than likely struggling to draw something, nodding off, or watching TV. OOOOOOH. So mysterious, a Mandypan.
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[24 Nov 2006|02:26am] |
don't complain about something, and then when someone tries to fix it not try to do anything to help.
I'm not being mean. or rude. or heartless. or disrespectful. it just makes sense.
don't expect of others, etc etc.
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| asdgjryukj |
[15 Nov 2006|11:52pm] |
asdjktdrsa
Had to put down one of my gma's cats today. She lives next door, so it was like it was MY cat. So have some fucking sympathy, 'kay thanks.
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